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Lost in Suburbia classic column: Merry Christmas and happy goo year

Tracky Beckerman
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Sturgis Journal

Dear Sirs and/or Madams,

I am writing to thank you for your amazing new goo toy. My daughter saw an ad for it on TV and believed them when they said it was the most fun anyone could have for $2.99. Since it is a sticky, goopy goo, which in my previous experience is definitely not the most fun a kid can have for $2.99, and is also, typically the most work a mom can have trying to get it out of hair, clothes and furniture, I said no.

Unfortunately, she happened to see your ad right before Christmas and told her grandparents she wanted it as a gift. Since no one consulted me, it was mailed to us and placed under the tree, for her to open in all its goo-glory Christmas morning. When she saw it was from Santa, there was no gooing back.

In addition to being fun to hold, apparently the special feature of your goo is its ability to sound, when squeezed, just like someone with a significant gas problem. This was demonstrated quite effectively when my daughter tried out this feature while we were waiting on line at the pharmacy. I want to express my gratitude for your help in convincing the pharmacist and all the other customers at the drugstore that I have major issues with flatulence.

When we got home, I made sure to remind her that her new goo was not allowed anywhere near the furniture, her clothes or her hair. Regretably, I neglected to list all the other places that would not be particularly goo-friendly. So, my sincere thanks again, for helping our family discover the joys of owning a goo-covered rug, a goo-covered bed, and a goo-covered dog. The dog actually looks quite handsome now with his new shaved haircut. The rug… not so much.

Her brother was also excited about his sister’s new goo toy. Less so, though, when she stuck it in his hair and he got a matching haircut with the dog.

Did I mention that your goo also leaves interesting shapes and patterns on the paint when it is thrown at a wall and ceiling? We have all enjoyed looking at those patterns and discussing what we think they resemble most. My favorite is the one right near the front door that looks like giant elephant. All of our friends and family thought so too when they Zoomed us to see our newly shaved dog.

By the way, I apologize for some of the typos in this letter. Some goo got into my computer and for some reason the keyboard doesn’t work as well anymore. Imagine that?

Anyway, I hope your other customers are as thrilled with your product as we are. In fact, if anyone would like some more, gently used goo with just a bit of dog hair and rug fuzz in it, we would be happy to donate ours.

Best regards,

Tracy Beckerman

Note: This is a repeated Lost in Suburbia column, which has appeared in GateHouse Media newspapers since 2008. You can follow Tracy on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/LostinSuburbiaFanPage and read her blog at www.tracybeckerman.com