In recent columns, I have mentioned my journey, and some of the milestones along the way. Well.

By Trish Morgan
For the News Tribune
In recent columns, I have mentioned my journey, and some of the milestones along the way. Well.
Well, I have had some major setbacks. Five steps forward, and then about ten steps back. Struggling with disappointment has been enveloping my life right now. I wouldn't call it despair, but it's close.
There is so much activity around me, and my fingers are in so many pies, too. However, October - my favorite month of the year - is not holding its promise for me.
Dealing with these changes, challenges and upset in plans is hard. I won't sugar-coat it. Three weeks ago, I had everything planned. I knew exactly how things were to go, and the next thing you know, the rug got pulled out from under me.
Circumstances not under my control - at least not most of them. My procrastination was to blame for some of what happened, and my fear of the plan itself kept getting louder and louder.
Why is it that facing fear and new adventures stops us in our tracks? Why is it that we find excuses and procrastinate and then blame our lack of action on other things?
Fear. I wouldn't say that fear generally holds me back. I'd like to believe I am a strong, confident woman. Yet, here I am - stranded - journey on detour.
Detour. Don't like that word, either. I was NOT prepared for these detours. You know what it's like when we make plans, organize all of the details, stay on task - and then BAM. Things change on a dime. On to Plan B.
Thing is, I had no Plan B. Why? I don't know. Almost always I have alternate plans. That's just me. But this journey? I was 100 percent confident that things would fall into place. Everything was well thought out, and I worked on all of the pieces starting way back in May.
So now. I try to regroup, I try to pick myself up and find inspiration anywhere I can. To be honest, I failed. I didn't work hard enough, or do enough. While I thought all along that I was putting forth 100 percent effort, it just didn't work.
Where are the "atta-boys"? Where are the hugs and encouragement? Who is here and there to say, "Trish, it's okay to fail. It's okay to start over. It's okay to cry, and to be imperfect."
Why do I expect too much from others, and why are my expectations too great and too unrealistic? On the other hand, it's not fair to blame other people. I need to take a look in the mirror.
Why can't I fail and acknowledge that failure? We all fail, right? We have all had times in our lives when we just didn't measure up. I can attest to that. Times when I was weak, and fearful...times when I threw in the towel...times when the heartbreak took me to dark places.
At this crossroads where I sit, as soon as I recover from the shock of my current situation, I will pull up the "boot straps" as they say and move forward. That is, after my "pity party" ends.
Have you ever had a "party" like that? Oh yes, I imagine some of you have. It's so easy to drag ourselves down to the "party" - where we can wallow for a while, lick our wounds, and moan and groan about how life is unfair, and asking ourselves "why me"? Not a fun "party" at all.
Starting over, Do-Over - yes, many times for this writer. By the grace of God, a do-over is waiting for me. I see it there, but I'm not quite ready. Still wallowing, I'm sorry to say. But, I'm trying, honest I am.
But, I tell you this - without my daily conversations with God, who understands my quirks, my faults and failures, my sins - I would be lost way down at the bottom of a cave, feeling sorry for myself. God keeps me safe, God forgives my weakness and my every day shortcomings.
I know. My column was established to bring good things to light, to uplift, to share the best about our people and our community. In today's column, I suppose I just wanted to share the "not always Mary Sunshine" Trish Morgan...a peek into the vulnerability that I rarely show to anyone. Sometimes, on a given day, we just need to acknowledge to others our imperfections and weaknesses. Today is that day.
Thank you for reading this today, and remember - no journey is worth giving up on as long as we keep God with us on the path.